


Always

by teenagefevers



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25192921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenagefevers/pseuds/teenagefevers
Summary: When Neil discovers that his supposed death was nothing more than a frightful dream, he and Claire must figure out a way to navigate their feelings for each other.A fix-it fic.
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 18
Kudos: 51





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a lot of ideas just sitting in my head for awhile now, and finally decided to put them into a story. Leave a comment if you enjoy! They make my day. :)

_"I love you."_

Claire rested her head on Neil's chest, listening to the sound of his weak heartbeat.

He was scared to die, of course. Anyone would be. But in that moment, he felt strangely tranquil. He couldn't think of a better way to leave this earth than spending his last moments with the woman he loved so deeply and unconditionally.

Although they weren't keen on deathbed confessions, Claire refused to let him go without saying those three words. She had fallen in love with him so suddenly, but she knew her feelings for him had existed for far longer. The difference between now and then is that she had finally come to the realization. 

She wished she had sooner.

Although he wouldn't admit it, he _did_ save her. He saved her from a life of misery, a life of pain, and a life without love. He was there for her when she needed it the most, and she enjoyed his company a lot more than she expected.

Her whole adult life, she had used men for her own advantage, wanting to stay emotionally unavailable for as long as humanly possible. Neil opened her eyes to an entirely new world where she could live the life she had always dreamed of. A life where she could feel the idiotic happiness that she was missing for what felt like an eternity.

If only Kayla could see her now.

She was going to miss the little things he would do, often times without realizing. He was always sweeter and more gentle with her than he was with the other residents, and everyone noticed. He wasn't exactly subtle.

He catered to her desires at work despite it not being the greatest idea at times; he supported her wholeheartedly, even when he was angered by her stubbornness; he made her feel loved after years of being told she never could be; and he was always there for her in her worst moments, even when she wanted so desperately to hide behind the walls she built for herself.

With him, though, she never had to hide. With him, she could have fun without the constant worry of being judged. No one had ever made her feel that way--so carefree. She loved the person she could be when she was around him, and he loved the new version of himself that her mere presence had created. 

The day he sat on the edge of his office desk and confessed that she made him better, he meant it. For so long he was convinced that he needed to be arrogant to get the job done. Claire made him look at things differently, and with only a few months of knowing each other, she changed him.

There was so much he loved about her that ended up rubbing off on him throughout the years. It was why he learned to accept Shaun despite his autism, and why he gave up the Chief of Surgery position he had fought so hard for. 

She cared for her patients enough to go above and beyond to improve their mental health--something she was certainly never obligated to fix; she came to the defense of others, even when they didn't deserve it; she stood tall in spite of everything she had gone through since her early childhood; and although he had punished her for it in the past, he loved how stubborn she was. She stood her ground and never took no for an answer. 

He knew she was special the moment he laid eyes on her. Despite being younger than him, she inspired him. He was _her_ mentor, but often times, it felt as though it was the other way around. He stopped thinking of her as his subordinate, and more like his equal--which was definitely a bad idea. 

He admired her bravery, her empathy, her resilience, and her kindness. He was grateful for her, and couldn't imagine a life without her. 

As they both became lost in their thoughts, everything around them dissipated, leaving only him and her behind. As he slowly stroked her hair, he looked down at her one last time. He memorized every detail of her face, and she did the same with his, as if afraid that they'd forget each other.

While he observed her wet cheeks, stained with the tears that fell from her glossy hazel eyes, he offered her a small smile filled with sorrow. His eyes began to close, as her soft sobs were drowned out by the darkness that was calling his name ever so faintly. 

She felt his body go limp, and the unsteady beat of his heart become still. 

_"I love you too."_

_Finis vitae sed non amoris;_

_The end of **life** , but not of **love**. _

\--

Neil opened his eyes, squinting so as to adjust to the bright lights in the hospital room. When he became aware of his surroundings, a look of confusion fell over his face. The sense of disorientation quickly grew even greater, as he turned his head toward the heart monitor that was beeping steadily.

With furrowed eyebrows, he lifted his gown, expecting to see stitches, but there were none present. Neither was the crucifix necklace that Claire had given him and hung around his neck. 

He figured he was dead, and this must've been some sort of afterlife. What he couldn't figure out was why he was in the same hospital room as before. When he pictured what heaven would be like, he certainly didn't think he'd be attached to an IV, wearing a hospital gown.

Maybe it was hell, but he was sure he didn't do anything in his life time to warrant being sent somewhere so terrible. Instead, he pictured living in the middle of nowhere with Claire. Two chickens, one dog, just like she wanted.

He'd have been much happier there. 

The thoughts that were multiplying in his head were cut short by the sudden presence of another person in the room. It was the woman who he couldn't seem to get off his mind, and he felt his entire face light up when his eyes landed on her. She was in scrubs, and her hair was braided in the same way that it was when he had seen her last. 

The corner of her lips turned upward, as she murmured softly. "You're awake." 

He reveled in the familiar sound of her voice. It was like music to his ears, and he thought he'd never hear it again. His smile soon faded, however, when he realized that none of it was real. He was gone, and he had hoped that she was doing okay without him. Though, he never doubted for a second that she would be.

She was the strongest person he'd ever met.

A lone tear escaped his eye as he thought about all of the memories he could've made with her. He thought about how their first kiss would go--how her lips would feel pressed against his. He hated leaving with so many regrets, and not kissing her was only added to that list. 

He knew he was an idiot for continuing to deny his feelings until it was ultimately too late. Audrey was right. He did have a problem, but he was unsure of how to solve it. His feelings for Claire grew the more time he spent with her, and it was the first time in his life that he felt a tangible sense of happiness. The kind of happiness that was rare to achieve...something of euphoric bliss.

What he had with Jessica and Audrey mattered, but he had to admit that those relationships weren't worth much to him. Despite the both of them being filled with regret after breaking things off, he realized he no longer wanted them.

Maybe it was because he wanted someone else. Maybe it was because he knew that his relationship with a certain resident was one that meant more to him than some frivolous romance--the result of a drunken rendezvous, no less. And maybe it was because he couldn't see himself having a future with either of them the way he did Claire.

He recognized that that was probably why he came crawling back to her after rejecting the others. He'd gotten his heart broken twice, and he knew she would be the one to put the pieces back together again.

It was one of the times that he was greatly appreciative of her strong-willed nature. Seeing how much their friendship meant to her lit up something inside of him, and he knew he couldn't reject her too--no matter how much his head was screaming at him to do so. He followed his heart that day because their friendship meant just as much to him as it did to her. 

But he was terrified. 

She was his resident, and he was her attending. If anyone had gained knowledge that they were together, both of their careers would be in jeopardy. And it didn't exactly help that the Chief of Surgery was also his ex-girlfriend. 

Claire snapped him out of his anxious thoughts once again, as she looked at him with a confused expression. She frowned, wondering why he seemed so distraught.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice low. 

He inhaled and took a deep breath, his voice gravelly. "This isn't real."

She parted her lips to respond but no words were uttered. She slowly walked over to the bed and took a seat on the edge. 

"What do you mean? Of course it's real." 

He shook his head, glancing at her with visible pain in his eyes. "I'm dead, Claire." 

Her eyebrows furrowed even further, as she let out an incredulous laugh. "Neil, you're not dead...you're very much alive."

It was now Neil's turn to be confused. "What?" 

As Claire sat by his side, carefully explaining to him what really occurred in the last few hours, he was in shock. Apparently, when he passed out after the earthquake, he hadn't woken up. The problem turned out to be in his head, not his abdomen. He had a cerebral hemorrhage, and was quickly taken into the OR where they did the surgery, and in turn, saved his life. 

"So..." he trailed off. "All of that was a dream?"

"It was. You're okay," she smiled, taking his hand in hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze. He glanced at their hands and gulped down the nerves that were rising in his throat. 

_It was a dream._

_It wasn't real._

Those words echoed repeatedly in his mind, as he tried to get his jumbled thoughts together. He had never actually told her how he felt, and she had never told him. Now that he'd gotten a second chance at life, he didn't know if it was a good idea to confess right away. 

_How would she react?_

_Would she feel the same way?_

_Would it be worth the risk?_

He had morals that he'd been following consistently since he became a Cardiothoracic surgeon at St. Bonaventure, and something like this would certainly go against them. At the same time, he regretted telling her he loved her on his deathbed when he should've done it sooner. Instead, he unwillingly pushed her towards Dash--a man who appeared to make her happy but just wasn't good enough.

He wanted her to be happy, though. She deserved it more than anyone he knew. 

"Was the dream that realistic?" She asked, wondering why he was so convinced that he was dead. 

Her words created a sense of trepidation in him, as he thought about what they said to each other. Or rather, what they didn't say to each other.

He tried to hide his nervousness by lightening up the mood. 

"Now that I think about it, no. I should've known it wasn't real when you left me for dead after the first failed surgery," he stated playfully. 

"Hm," she hummed, looking up as if deep in thought. "Definitely doesn't sound like me." 

He chuckled. "It doesn't. I know you'd do everything you could to save me." 

As they smiled at each other, the world around them seemed to disappear, just as it always had. In the locker room, on the balcony, in the brewery. It wasn't until the sound of someone clearing their throat broke them apart--Claire quickly removing her hand from his and standing up.

It was Dr. Lim who had brought them back down to reality, and as much as he was happy to see her, he had silently wished his moment with Claire hadn't been interrupted. 

She looked at the both of them in curiosity, before quickly changing her expression to one of content. "You have some visitors," she said with a faint smile on her face.

They knew that she knew something was going on between them. 

Neil then watched in delight as Shaun, Morgan, Park, Andrews, and Glassman entered the room. Everyone he worked with had come to see him, and it was a pleasant contrast from his dreadful nightmare. He had grown to care for every single one of them, and he was happy to know they cared about him too.

As they all crowded around his bed to listen to him talk about his strange dream, he couldn't help but to notice how distant Claire seemed in those moments. While the others were talkative, filling up the room with laughter and chatter, she offered him a small smile and walked out. He knew that habit of hers all too well, which meant he knew that smile held anything but happiness.

This time, being bound to a hospital bed, he wasn't able check on her like he usually would. So when they all continued their conversation, it was then Neil who became noticeably distant. 

\--

Claire walked briskly down the hallway, rushing towards the balcony that she often liked to go to when she needed to think. A certain someone was usually standing beside her, but not today. As she exited through the door and tightly gripped the railing, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, breathing in the fresh air. 

What happened with Neil a few minutes prior had sent her anxiety to a peak. Dr. Lim had not only interrupted their moment, but had also popped the bubble she was residing in ever since he blacked out the previous night. Her worry and desperation for him to get better ultimately distracted her from what she had confessed to her therapist. It allowed her to ignore her feelings and the planning of what to do with them. Now that he was awake, the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. 

Before she could drive herself insane with thoughts of the future, the sound of her phone ringing quickly became her saving grace. When she allowed her eyes to open again and loosened her grip, she reached into the pocket of her scrubs to view the caller ID.

Dash's name appeared on the screen, and his call only managed to make things worse. 

Other than a few texts here and there, she'd been avoiding him since that night she left his house. She knew she had to break things off with him eventually because she didn't want to hurt the people she loved. Dash was one of her dearest friends, and she couldn't lead him on. 

She sighed, pressing the green 'accept' button and putting the phone to her ear. 

"Hey," she breathed, attempting to make herself sound happier than she was. 

"Hi," he responded. There was a short pause before he spoke again. "How's Dr. Melendez?" 

She knew that wasn't the real question he wanted to ask, but she answered anyway. "He's fine. We took care of the brain bleed and he's being discharged today."

"That's great news." 

"It is," she replied.

After an almost awkward period of silence on the phone, she realized that she was going to have to be the one to speak up. "There's actually something I need to talk to you about. Do you think you could come by after work?"

"Yeah, sure. Text me when your shift is over and I'll come pick you up," he agreed.

She could tell that he knew what she wanted to discuss. He didn't question her, though.

As they said their goodbyes and hung up, she put her phone back in her pocket and looked down at the street below. The universe seemed to be throwing her a sign, as she observed all of the couples walking by. One had a dog, another a little girl. There were lots of public displays of affection--hand holding, kissing, hugging. They all seemed to be happily in love. She wondered if that was the type of life she would have with Neil if she confessed her love for him. 

Unfortunately, she couldn't let herself find out.

Other than the fact that she had no idea if he reciprocated her feelings, she knew how inappropriate it would be for a resident to date their attending. It would put both of their careers at risk, especially after what occurred with Morgan and the anonymous favoritism complaint. She would never want him to lose his job because of her. However, she worried that the more time she spent with him, the more difficult it'd become to hide how she felt. 

Maybe she was better off avoiding him, but she didn't know if she could.

Neither did he.

\--

After being discharged later that day, Neil headed towards the elevators to go home. The past couple of days had been eventful, to say the least, and he couldn't wait to finally rest in a comfortable bed.

Before he could even think about sleep though, he decided he needed to pay a visit to his younger sister, Gabby. She wasn't aware of what occurred in the brewery, and he had no plans of informing her. All he knew was that he needed to be there for her more often. He regretted how he took the most important people in his life for granted until he was staring death in the face. 

Claire was certainly one of them. 

As he stood there on the 5th floor, patiently waiting for the elevator doors to open, he saw her walking over. The woman who had been occupying his thoughts for weeks on end. 

She wished she had noticed him sooner, so she could've turned around and taken the stairs instead. It was going to be one hell of an uncomfortable elevator ride, she thought. 

"Hey," he greeted her quietly, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. 

"Hi," she murmured in response, shying away from his gaze.

When the ding sounded and the doors opened, they both entered and pushed the buttons with their respective floor numbers. They stood awkwardly on opposite sides, but it was as if their bodies were instinctively pulling them towards each other. Their energy was magnetic--it always had been.

Neither of them gave in, though. 

Just when Neil parted his lips to break the silence, she spoke first. "How are you feeling?" 

"A little groggy but I'm alive," he said, letting out a weak chuckle. 

She gave him another one of those tight-lipped smiles again, and he figured that now was his chance to check on her. 

"What about you? I figured something was up when you left the room earlier." 

His observation caught her off guard for a second, before she shrugged it off.

"I'm fine, I'm just-" she started but he cut her off, finishing the sentence he had heard from her countless times in the past. " _Tired._ "

Maybe she should've came up with a better excuse. 

She looked at him briefly, before shifting her eyes to the number in the elevator that indicated what floor they were on. She prayed for it to go down faster.

Picking up on how uncomfortable she was, he decided not to pressure her. 

"I won't force you to talk about it, but I'm here if you ever need to. _Always,"_ he reassured her.

He didn't have to reassure her, though. She knew. 

"Thanks, but I um," she paused for a second, swallowing her nerves. "I think this is a conversation I should have with my therapist," she continued, followed by a breathy laugh. 

She wanted more than anything to open up to him, but that would be going against everything she told herself she wouldn't do. So instead of changing her mind, she simply watched from her peripheral vision as he nodded to show her that he understood. 

Just as the doors opened, she breathed an almost inaudible sigh of relief. She should've just left, but her body betrayed her, as she stepped out and turned around to face him, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Goodnight," she stated softly. 

He recalled when they were in this exact same predicament over a year ago. Even though he was angry at her, he had to admit that it was pretty damn difficult to stay angry. Going out for drinks with Audrey was a good distraction that night, but she was unable to get Claireoff his mind for very long. He wondered if maybe his feelings for her had existed back then when he couldn't even admit them to himself. 

This time, however, he wasn't going to let her leave without saying a word.

"Wait."

This time, he blurted out a question that he probably shouldn't have, as he stopped the doors from closing with his right hand. 

"Do you want to meet my sister?" 

She stared at him as though taken aback, forcing him to quickly apologize and explain. "I'm sorry, I know you're probably busy, but...I think she'd appreciate seeing a new face. You're great with kids so I just thought..." he trailed off, pursing his lips. He hated how nervous he sounded, and he mentally scolded himself for being so obvious.

He wasn't usually like this with anyone. He was very self-assured--never showing any signs of vulnerability. That was yet another trait that Claire brought out of him. During their secret outings, she would often tease him about how much of a softie he really was.

If only she knew it was because of her. 

She was his weakness.

"No, it's okay. I'd love to meet her," she replied, flashing him a big smile that he found so incredibly endearing. 

He had hoped she wasn't aware of how his face flooded with relief at her words. While he hadn't told her much about his childhood or his family, he did mention Gabby one night over dinner. He appreciated the way she listened to him speak so intensively, as if the sentences that flowed from his mouth were of great importance. It felt refreshing to open up to her, and he made a mental note to do it more often. 

From her perspective, it was refreshing to hear about him for a change. He had always been the one to help her with whatever she was going through, so she was grateful that he ended up offering her a piece of himself. 

Although she hadn't known it yet, she could sense her feelings starting to grow for him when she realized he was so much more than just an arrogant surgeon. He was compassionate, and it was evident in the way that he talked about his sister. He cared immensely about the people in his life, even if he didn't show it at times. 

He loved people the way Claire desired to be loved, and she knew that whoever he ended up with would be an exceptionally lucky woman. 

As they made their way down the narrow corridor, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and read the message that lit up the screen: 

_On my way._

"Shit," she whispered.

"Everything okay?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her. 

"Yeah, I just...forgot I was supposed to meet up with Dash tonight."

She recognized that she probably shouldn't have told him that after she just agreed to meet his sister. She was just too used to telling him everything with so much ease. Opening up to him was like second nature to her at that point, and it was something that she couldn't bring herself to do with anyone else. After all, it was the reason she and Jared had a falling-out. 

"If you want, I can take you to meet Gabby another time," he offered, pushing her away yet again. He tried as best as he could to not let it get to him, but he felt the jealousy slowly creeping its way in. Unwanted, but undeniably present. 

"No, it's fine," she said, unlocking her phone to send a text to Dash.

_I'm sorry, I'm exhausted tonight. Raincheck?_

"I just wanted to talk to him about something. It's not important," she lied, putting her phone back in her pocket. She tried to convince herself that she just blew Dash off because she wanted to do a nice thing for Neil, and not because she wanted to spend more time with him.

"Okay," he replied casually, attempting to hide his relief yet again. "How are things with him, anyway? Did you take my advice?" 

"I did, actually. Turns out he's not the right guy," she exclaimed, chuckling a bit. "I don't know why I thought I could date my dead best friend's husband." 

He laughed at the dark humor. "You'll find the one eventually...you have a lot of redeeming qualities."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" she teased, smirking. 

"Hm," he hummed, pretending to think. "Well, you're smart...kind..." he trailed off, as the corners of his mouth quirked up. 

"Go on," she probed, her smile matching his. 

"Special, incredible, brilliant, amazing...beautiful."

He said the last word so faintly that she almost didn't hear it. 

As they stopped at the double doors and gazed into each other's eyes, she thought about how liberating it would feel to grab the collar of his slightly unbuttoned shirt, and place her lips onto his in one swift movement.

He wasn't aware that he was staring at her lips until he realized she was staring at his, too. But instead of closing the distance between them, he opened the door, allowing the slightly chilly spring air to engulf them both. 

"Your turn," he said with a gleam in his eye. 

She scoffed in response. "And inflate your ego even more? I don't think so." 

He mocked offense, but was unable to hide the lopsided grin that spread across his face. 

Leaving the hospital with her in tow, he smiled to himself. He was relieved to hear about her situation with Dash, despite being conscious of how selfish it made him seem. In an ideal world, he wanted her to be happy with _him_ , but anything more than a platonic friendship would only complicate things. 

He wasn't certain of the future or whether he would pursue her or not. But in that moment, all he cared about was the sound of her melodic laughter echoing in the otherwise soundless street.

And he couldn't help but to revel in the fact that he was the cause of such joy.


End file.
